siren-sound's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My girl. I need to put myself on hold now. Just conversate while I am away. I just need to gather, breathe and not be responsible for a quick interlude. Not to be timetabled, bothered, hurried on buried. Just for a moment. I want to run out the back door and hide. I never thought I would have all this responsibility, yet, here we are. I am, of course, lucky to have it, but the breaks are few and far and I feel bitter having to schedule them like it's another responsibility. Oh, I should explain. That's my girl. I have this little dirty haired girl in my heart who is always rolling her eyes at me, and I look at her with apologetic eyes, saying, "soon, we'll get to you soon…I promise." then another rolling eye. She wants to get muddy, yell, scream like a loon, and swim in the ocean at night, with no time table, agenda or plan. She fucking hates plans. She likes to stay up late, eat ice cream and loves to flip off the world that I am currently trying to be good at. I do love her though. I feed her loud music, trail runs and no-bra days. That will keep her happy for a bit. But for the rest of these days, and the rest of my balls that I am juggling, I want to place them down, and go have fun. But I can't, not yet. My goal is to keep the balls going, and politely attend to my girl before she pulls out a full on take over, and I pick up and walk out. That's the goal. Keep her happy, keep me here. 5:54 p.m. - 2019-04-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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