siren-sound's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hole. Being in a hole is no fun. All I see are the sides of the hole, and they ladder, rope or vortex out is very invisible. I claw, cry and worry about not getting out, and my voice is dry and horse from all the screaming. Do I like being here? No. Do I feel like I deserve to be in here? Maybe? I feel like I chased something that I shouldn't have chased, and now I am in here, and I deserve the sight of the sided of the wall. I have many options, but what I am not looking for is redemption to know that I don't want this. I do not deserve this, and I want to get out. What was I chasing after all? Was it worth it? I am sure I was not thinking about that at the time, and I feel so overwhelmed at the depth, that the idea of breaking it down and feeling it out doesn't seem to be feasible. But it is, it has to be, for this trench is breaking my spirit and loading my head. I once was not in the ground, and I could focus on the fun of life, the sparkle. I want that back, some kind of reliability. I need to focus on getting that back in my life, so I can plan, dream and go forth. 7:53 a.m. - 2019-02-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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